Gaslighting: When Your Reality Is Slowly Undermined
- Randi Camirand
- 1 day ago
- 3 min read
Gaslighting rarely begins with cruelty.It often begins quietly—through small comments, subtle dismissals, and moments that leave you feeling confused rather than clearly hurt.
Over time, these moments accumulate. You may start questioning your memory, second-guessing your emotions, or wondering if you’re “too sensitive.” This is the impact of gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation that slowly erodes your trust in yourself.
Recognizing it is often the first step toward healing.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting occurs when someone repeatedly denies, minimizes, or distorts your experience in a way that causes you to doubt your perception of reality.
This is not about disagreement or misunderstanding.
It is about power and control over the narrative.
When gaslighting is present, the focus shifts away from what happened and onto you—your reactions, your memory, your emotional state. Over time, this can leave you feeling disoriented and unsure of yourself.
Gaslighting Statements That Undermine Your Reality
Gaslighting statements often fall into recognizable patterns. Below are common examples, grouped by theme, to help you identify them more clearly.
Dismissing Your Feelings
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
“You’re making something out of nothing.”
“You’re being dramatic.”
These messages teach you that your emotional responses are excessive or wrong, encouraging you to suppress your feelings rather than trust them.
Denying What Happened
“That never happened.”
“You’re remembering it wrong.”
“I never said that.”
“You must be imagining things.”
“You’re twisting my words.”
Repeated denial creates confusion and causes you to question your memory, even when you were once confident in it.
Blaming You for Their Behavior
“I only did that because of how you acted.”
“If you weren’t so emotional, this wouldn’t happen.”
“You made me do it.”
“This is your fault.”
“You’re the reason I get upset.”
Responsibility is shifted away from the person causing harm and placed onto you, reinforcing self-blame.
Questioning Your Sanity or Perception
“Are you okay? You seem unstable lately.”
“You need help.”
“You’re not thinking clearly.”
“Something’s wrong with you.”
“Everyone else agrees with me.”
These statements subtly suggest that your reactions are evidence of instability rather than valid responses to harm.
Minimizing Harm
“I was just joking.”
“You’re taking it the wrong way.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“You should be grateful—it wasn’t that bad.”
“At least I didn’t…”
Minimization dismisses impact and avoids accountability, leaving you feeling unseen and unheard.
Rewriting History
“That’s not how it happened.”
“You always do this.”
“You never remember things correctly.”
“I already apologized—why are you bringing it up again?”
“We’ve been over this. Let it go.”
This reframing erases patterns of harm and shuts down meaningful repair.
Invalidating Boundaries
“Why are you so difficult?”
“You’re impossible to talk to.”
“You’re creating problems.”
“Normal people wouldn’t be upset by this.”
“You’re ruining everything.”
Boundaries are portrayed as defects rather than acts of self-protection.
Weaponizing ‘Concern’
“I’m just worried about you.”
“I’m saying this because I care.”
“I’m trying to help you see the truth.”
“You wouldn’t feel this way if you were healthier.”
“You’re not yourself lately.”
Concern becomes a tool for undermining your trust in yourself rather than offering genuine care.
How Gaslighting Often Feels
The effects of gaslighting show up not only emotionally, but physically and relationally. You may notice that:
You doubt your memory or intuition
You apologize often, even when you’re hurt
You feel anxious, confused, or off-balance
You seek reassurance for things you once trusted
You feel like you’re walking on eggshells
These are not personal shortcomings.They are nervous system responses to chronic emotional invalidation.
Why Gaslighting Is So Disorienting
Gaslighting works because humans are wired for connection. When someone repeatedly contradicts your reality—especially someone you care about—your system often chooses attachment over self-trust.
Over time, you may learn to override your inner signals in order to preserve the relationship. This is not weakness. It is adaptation.
Healing involves gently restoring the connection between your inner experience and your sense of truth.
An Important Reminder
Gaslighting is not about disagreement.Healthy relationships allow for different perspectives without making you feel small, ashamed, or unstable.
If you recognize yourself in these patterns, know this:
Your experience is valid
Your perceptions matter
You are not “too much”
And you can learn to trust yourself again
The moment you begin naming gaslighting is often the moment the spell starts to break.
Visit my blog for more information on emotional abuse and narcissistic abuse and the services I offer.
