No One Talks About How Lonely Healing Can Be After Narcissistic Abuse
- Randi Camirand
- Jan 16
- 3 min read
Updated: Jan 24
There is a part of healing no one prepares you for.
It’s not the relief of finally seeing the truth.It’s not the empowerment of learning about boundaries.It’s not even the grief of what you lost.
It’s the loneliness.
When you begin to heal, set boundaries, and stop engaging in narcissistic or emotionally unsafe relationships, something very real happens: your world gets quieter. And not always in a peaceful way—at least not at first.
Healing Changes the Room You’re Standing In
For a long time, you may have been surrounded by intensity.Conversations charged with emotional volatility.
Relationships built on over-giving, explaining, fixing, or proving yourself.
When you stop participating in those dynamics, you don’t just lose a person—you lose a familiar way of relating. The nervous system has been oriented toward that chaos, even when it was painful. So when it’s gone, the silence can feel unsettling, empty, even frightening.
No one tells you that healing often feels like standing alone in a room you just cleaned out.
Boundaries Can Cost You Relationships
Setting boundaries doesn’t just reveal who respects you—it reveals who benefited from you having none.
Some people fall away quietly.Some react with anger, guilt-tripping, or character attacks.Some accuse you of being “cold,” “selfish,” or “changed.”
And in many ways, you have changed. You are no longer available for manipulation, emotional labor without reciprocity, or being the container for someone else’s unhealed wounds.
That can be deeply lonely.
Especially if your identity was wrapped around being the understanding one, the fixer, the empath who stayed.
Not Engaging Feels Like Loss—Because It Is
Choosing not to engage with narcissistic behavior can feel anticlimactic and painful. There is no dramatic closure. No moment where they suddenly understand. No apology that heals the past.
Instead, there is distance.
And distance can bring grief—grief for what you hoped could be different, grief for the connection you tried to build alone, grief for the version of yourself who believed love meant enduring harm.
This is rarely talked about. Yet it is one of the most tender phases of healing.
Your Nervous System Is Learning a New Language
Loneliness during healing doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It often means your nervous system is recalibrating.
You are learning what calm feels like.You are learning that safety doesn’t come from intensity.You are learning to stay with yourself instead of abandoning yourself for connection.
This phase can feel raw, disorienting, and deeply vulnerable—but it is also where something sacred begins to grow: self-trust.
You Are Not Meant to Do This Alone
While healing can feel lonely, it is not meant to be isolating.
Supportive, attuned spaces—whether in therapy, trauma-informed practices, or gentle meditation—can help you metabolize the grief, the fear, and the unfamiliar quiet that comes with change.
Healing is not about becoming harder or more guarded. It’s about becoming more present, more embodied, and more rooted in your own inner ground so relationships can form from truth rather than survival.
The Loneliness Is a Threshold, Not a Destination
f you are in this phase, know this: the loneliness is not a sign you made the wrong choice. It is often the doorway between who you were forced to be and who you are becoming.
On the other side of this threshold are relationships that don’t require self-abandonment.
Conversations that feel steady instead of draining. A sense of belonging that begins inside your own body.
And most importantly, a relationship with yourself that no longer disappears just to keep others close.
You are not alone. I am available for individual sessions, when you are ready.
In the meantime, here are some Resources For Your Healing Journey:
Read blog posts from my series When the Spell Breaks: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse. https://www.randicamirand.com/blog/categories/healing-from-narcissistic-abuse
Follow my Women’s Wintering Well Series on Instagram for almost daily self-care reminders. https://www.instagram.com/randicamirand/
10 Grounding Practices for Women
Visit my Homepage www.randicamirand.com
Learn more About Me and My Approach https://www.randicamirand.com/about
Learn about my Women’s Online Meditation Classes and email sign up to receive notifications. https://www.randicamirand.com/womens-meditation-classes
Check out The Blog for therapy insights and self-help tips.
