When Harm Is Hidden: Healing From Covert Narcissistic Abuse
- Randi Camirand
- 4 days ago
- 3 min read
Covert narcissistic abuse is one of the most confusing forms of relational harm—because on the surface, nothing looks that bad.
There may not have been obvious cruelty.
No constant yelling.No clear “smoking gun.”
Instead, there was a slow erosion of self-trust.
You felt small, unsure, overly sensitive.You started questioning your memory, your needs, your perceptions.You may have worked harder and harder to be “better,” kinder, more understanding—while feeling increasingly lost inside yourself.
And because the harm was subtle, you may still wonder:
Was it really abuse?
Or am I overreacting?
If this resonates, I want to say this clearly:What you experienced was real—and it makes sense that you are still feeling its impact.
What Makes Covert Narcissistic Abuse So Disorienting
Covert narcissistic abuse often operates through contradiction.
You may have received care mixed with withdrawal.Affection followed by
coldness.Validation one moment, subtle criticism the next.
Rather than overt control, there is often:
Chronic invalidation
Emotional withholding
Passive-aggressive blame
Quiet manipulation that leaves you feeling responsible for their moods
A sense that your needs were always “too much” or inconvenient
Over time, this creates a profound internal split.
You learned to scan for cues.To minimize yourself.To doubt your inner signals.
Many people emerge from these dynamics feeling anxious, frozen, hypervigilant, or deeply disconnected from their own sense of self—not because something is wrong with them, but because their nervous system adapted to survive emotional unpredictability.
Why Healing Takes Time (and Isn’t Just About Insight)
Understanding what happened is important—but insight alone is rarely enough.
Covert narcissistic abuse lives in the body.
It shows up as:
A tight chest when you try to speak your truth
A collapse or shutdown when you sense conflict
Chronic self-doubt even when you know better
Difficulty trusting your instincts or setting boundaries
These are not character flaws.
They are learned nervous system responses.
Healing involves more than “moving on” or thinking positively.It involves gently rebuilding safety inside yourself—so your body no longer has to stay on guard.
A Different Path to Healing
My work supports healing from covert narcissistic abuse by focusing on how your body learned to survive—and how it can now learn that the danger has passed.
Rather than pushing you to relive the past or label yourself as broken, we work with:
The subtle signals your body is already communicating
The places where you learned to override yourself
The quiet grief of losing trust—in them, and in yourself
Through a trauma-informed, body-based approach, healing becomes less about fixing and more about coming home to yourself.
Clients often describe:
Feeling clearer and more grounded
Beginning to trust their inner “no” and “yes” again
Experiencing relief from chronic anxiety or self-blame
Reconnecting with a sense of steadiness they thought was gone
This work unfolds at your pace. There is no forcing, no performing, no expectation to be “over it.”
There Is Hope—Even If You Can’t Feel It Yet
One of the deepest wounds of covert narcissistic abuse is the loss of faith in yourself.
Healing doesn’t require you to become someone new.It invites you to gently uncover who you were before you had to disappear.
Even if right now you feel exhausted, unsure, or disconnected—that doesn’t mean healing isn’t happening. It often begins quietly, beneath the surface.
You don’t need to prove what happened.You don’t need to justify your pain.You don’t need to rush your recovery.
Support can make the difference between surviving and truly healing.
If You’re Ready for Support
If you recognize yourself in this, I offer a compassionate, integrative approach to healing from covert narcissistic abuse—one that honors both your story and your nervous system.
Your responses make sense.And with the right support, it is possible to feel grounded,
whole, and connected again.
You don’t have to do this alone.
You are not alone. I am available for individual sessions, when you are ready.
In the meantime, here are some Resources For Your Healing Journey:
Read blog posts from my series When the Spell Breaks: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse. https://www.randicamirand.com/blog/categories/healing-from-narcissistic-abuse
Follow my Women’s Wintering Well Series on Instagram for almost daily self-care reminders. https://www.instagram.com/randicamirand/
10 Grounding Practices for Women
Visit my Homepage www.randicamirand.com
Learn more About Me and My Approach https://www.randicamirand.com/about
Learn about my Women’s Online Meditation Classes and email sign up to receive notifications. https://www.randicamirand.com/womens-meditation-classes
Check out The Blog for therapy insights and self-help tips.
