Why It Was So Hard to Leave: Understanding Trauma Bonds And Narcissistic Abuse - Part 2 of Narcissistic Abuse Blog Series
- Randi Camirand
- Jan 17
- 2 min read
Updated: Jan 24
When the Spell Breaks: Healing After Narcissistic Abuse
If it were just abuse, you would’ve left.This is one of the most painful truths survivors grapple with—and one of the most misunderstood aspects of narcissistic abuse.
Many women carry deep shame for staying too long, trying again, or going back. They tell themselves they were weak, naive, or dependent. But what you experienced was not a failure of strength. It was a psychological attachment formed under conditions of emotional manipulation.
You weren’t weak.You were bonded.
Narcissistic Abuse Is Not Just Harm—It’s Conditioning
In narcissistic relationships, harm rarely comes alone. It’s woven together with moments of tenderness, remorse, hope, and connection. This creates a powerful internal conflict: the part of you that feels hurt is continually overridden by the part that remembers who they could be.
This cycle is known as intermittent reinforcement—a pattern where care, affection, or validation appears unpredictably, just often enough to keep you emotionally invested. Your nervous system learns to wait, hope, and endure.
Confusion replaces clarity.Hope replaces self-trust.And leaving begins to feel unbearable, even when staying hurts.
Trauma Bonding: Why Your Body Didn’t Let You Go
Trauma bonding isn’t about logic. It’s about survival.
Over time, your system becomes oriented around monitoring their moods, anticipating repair, and holding onto the belief that if you just understand them better—or love them more—the pain will stop.
Your attachment wasn’t evidence of weakness.It was evidence of a relational nervous system under threat, trying to preserve connection as safety.
This is why “just leave” is not only unhelpful—it’s harmful.
Shame Keeps the Bond Alive
Shame convinces you that you should’ve known better.Understanding shows you why your system adapted exactly as it did.
When you replace self-blame with insight, something profound begins to shift. The bond loosens—not through force, but through clarity. Healing begins when your experience finally makes sense.
You don’t need to judge yourself for what happened.You need to understand what happened to you.
Healing Is About Reclaiming Your Inner Authority
Recovery from narcissistic abuse isn’t just about ending a relationship—it’s about restoring your relationship with yourself. This means gently unraveling the trauma bond, re-establishing internal safety, and learning to trust your own perception again.
This is slow, embodied work. And you don’t have to do it alone.
Next Steps
If you’re beginning to recognize yourself in this pattern and want support in untangling trauma bonds, restoring clarity, and reconnecting with your inner stability, I’m here to help.
I work with women healing from narcissistic abuse, emotional manipulation, and relational trauma using a grounded, body-based approach that supports both psychological and nervous system healing.
You are not alone. I am available for individual sessions, when you are ready.
In the meantime, here are some Resources For Your Healing Journey:
Read blog posts from my series When the Spell Breaks: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse. https://www.randicamirand.com/blog/categories/healing-from-narcissistic-abuse
Follow my Women’s Wintering Well Series on Instagram for almost daily self-care reminders. https://www.instagram.com/randicamirand/
10 Grounding Practices for Women
Visit my Homepage www.randicamirand.com
Learn more About Me and My Approach https://www.randicamirand.com/about
Learn about my Women’s Online Meditation Classes and email sign up to receive notifications. https://www.randicamirand.com/womens-meditation-classes
Check out The Blog for therapy insights and self-help tips.
