Why Rest Feels Unsafe: Learning to Trust Stillness After Narcissistic Abuse -- Part 9 of Narcissistic Abuse Blog Series
- Randi Camirand
- Jan 17
- 3 min read
Updated: Jan 24
When the Spell Breaks -- Healing After Narcissistic Abuse
Peace can feel terrifying after chaos.
If you’ve experienced narcissistic or emotional abuse, you may notice that calm, quiet moments feel uncomfortable—or even frightening. You might feel restless, anxious, or on edge when nothing is happening. You might wonder: Why can’t I just relax?
This reaction is not your fault. It is your nervous system responding exactly as it learned to survive prolonged unpredictability and threat.
When Calm Feels Unfamiliar
During abuse, your body adapts to a constant state of vigilance. Fight, flight, or freeze becomes the baseline for safety. Over time, your nervous system comes to associate calm with danger, because when things were quiet, you were often waiting for the next threat.
After leaving or awakening from the relationship, your nervous system doesn’t immediately know that the danger is over. Rest can feel unsafe because your body is still wired for chaos.
Healing Means Relearning Safety
Recovery is not about forcing your mind to “relax” or telling yourself you’re safe. Healing begins with retraining the nervous system to recognize that stillness no longer equals danger.
This process can include:
Slow, intentional breathing: Signaling safety through the vagus nerve
Gentle movement: Helping energy flow out of tension and freeze patterns
Mindful presence: Observing your surroundings and sensations without needing to act
Short periods of rest: Gradually increasing your tolerance for calm
Over time, these practices communicate to your nervous system: It’s safe to be here. You can exist without constant alertness.
Why Rest May Trigger Anxiety
When rest feels unsafe, you might notice:
Heart racing during quiet moments
Restlessness or fidgeting
Difficulty sleeping even when exhausted
Mental chatter or intrusive thoughts filling the space
These are normal responses in a nervous system that has been trained for hypervigilance.
They are not signs that you’re failing at healing—they are signs that your body is doing the work it needs to survive.
A Gentle Reconnection Practice
Here’s a short exercise to begin trusting calm:
Find a quiet place and sit or lie down comfortably.
Take three deep, slow breaths, noticing the rise and fall of your chest or belly.
Scan your body from head to toe, gently noticing tension without judgment.
Name one place in your body that feels safe, even briefly—“My feet feel grounded,” or “My hands feel warm.”
Pause for a few breaths in this small space of safety, letting your nervous system register the stillness.
Repeat daily, gradually lengthening the time you allow yourself to rest.
Moving Forward With Compassion
Learning to rest after prolonged chaos is one of the most transformative parts of healing. Each moment you spend in stillness is a small but powerful signal to your nervous system:
You are safe.
You can breathe.
You can exist without threat.
This phase of recovery is not about rushing to feel calm—it’s about gradually training your body to trust safety again, moment by moment.
You are not alone. I am available for individual sessions, when you are ready.
In the meantime, here are some Resources For Your Healing Journey:
Read blog posts from my series When the Spell Breaks: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse. https://www.randicamirand.com/blog/categories/healing-from-narcissistic-abuse
Follow my Women’s Wintering Well Series on Instagram for almost daily self-care reminders. https://www.instagram.com/randicamirand/
10 Grounding Practices for Women
Visit my Homepage www.randicamirand.com
Learn more About Me and My Approach https://www.randicamirand.com/about
Learn about my Women’s Online Meditation Classes and email sign up to receive notifications. https://www.randicamirand.com/womens-meditation-classes
Check out The Blog for therapy insights and self-help tips.
